À 26 ans, je suis en relation à distance avec ma petite amie de 25 ans depuis plus d'un an, bien que nous nous connaissions depuis presque six ans. Malgré le fait que nous vivions dans des pays différents et que nous n'ayons jamais eu la chance de nous rencontrer en personne, notre lien reste globalement fort. Nous nous disputons presque toutes les semaines - parfois à cause de malentendus, d'autres fois parce qu'elle se sent ennuyée ou stressée - mais nous avons toujours surmonté ces défis ensemble.
Sur le plan financier, je la soutiens depuis qu'elle n'est pas actuellement employée. Je lui envoie environ 400 dollars par mois, ce qui couvre ses besoins au Myanmar, ainsi que des articles supplémentaires comme des cosmétiques, ce qui porte mon soutien total à environ 700 dollars par mois. Je suis heureux de fournir cela, car son confort compte pour moi. Cependant, mes habitudes de dépense sont devenues un point de tension. Au début, elle m'a encouragé à économiser davantage, mais je n'y ai pas porté attention. Récemment, j'ai voyagé seul pour assister à deux mariages et j'ai dépensé environ 1 600 dollars pour préparer notre première rencontre en personne le mois prochain. Pour gérer cela, j'ai pris un avance de 500 dollars auprès de mon employeur sans le lui dire.
Pour compliquer les choses, j'avais auparavant dit par erreur que mon salaire mensuel était de 3 200 dollars, alors qu'il est en réalité de 2 800 dollars. Donc, lorsqu'elle a récemment demandé à emprunter 200 dollars pour le téléphone de son frère, j'ai expliqué que je manquais d'argent. En examinant ensemble mes dépenses, elle a remarqué le prêt et a réalisé que je n'avais pas été honnête. Sa frustration ne concerne pas seulement l'argent - c'est surtout la discrétion. Je n'avais pas l'intention d'être trompeur ; je voulais simplement éviter de l'inquiéter et m'assurer que notre rencontre se déroule sans problème. Maintenant, tout semble instable. J'ai de l'affection pour elle et je veux reconstruire la confiance avec une totale honnêteté, mais je ne sais pas comment procéder sans aggraver la situation.
You’re sending money to someone you’ve never met? I hope this is a joke.
I wish this were a troll post.
That’s a tough situation.
You don’t have a relationship; you have a pen pal. And don’t be surprised if that pen pal is actually a 35-year-old man with ten other boyfriends just like you.
The core issue here is trust and communication, not just finances. Start by honestly owning your mistake: admit you lied about your income and hid the loan, and clarify that you intended to avoid stressing her out, not to deceive her. Commit to full transparency going forward—share your actual financial situation, set clear boundaries on what you can afford, and agree to discuss any extra expenses in advance. This will help rebuild trust and prevent misunderstandings.
Beyond money, address the frequent arguments by having an open conversation about what triggers them and what each of you needs to feel secure. Use your upcoming in-person meeting to discuss long-term expectations, such as work, living arrangements, and shared responsibilities, so you’re aligned on the future. If trust remains an issue, consider online counseling together. The goal is to build a relationship based on honesty, realistic expectations, and mutual respect.
If that isn’t possible, you may simply not be a good match for each other.
My relationship began without any discussions about finances, and it felt normal at first. Now that things have changed, I realize the comments here might be right—I think I’ve been subconsciously avoiding that truth. I kept telling myself I was overthinking and that things would get better once we saw each other. Although I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the past year, I think it’s best for me to end the relationship and move on.
You should end the relationship. You can handle this.
She seems to be with you for your money. It’s important to recognize that.
Stop being naive.
I should clarify that she was working as a manager at the beginning, but I didn’t like her work arrangement, so I offered to support her while she looked for a better job. She never asked for monthly expenses; that was my suggestion. All of these decisions were mine, but sometimes I do wonder if this is the right path, as you mentioned. I truly love and care for her, and I believe she feels the same, but I question whether this is how I want to handle things. For context, I started paying her monthly expenses halfway into the relationship, not from the start.
It doesn’t matter when you started supporting her financially; the reality is you’ve been funding someone who was practically a stranger for almost a year. Anyone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t accept half your salary knowing it would harm you financially. That’s like believing a stripper has real feelings for you just because you paid for a lap dance.
She might be a scammer. Have you ever video chatted with her to confirm she’s real?
Yes, we call and video chat every day, so I know she’s real. My concern is whether I’m being taken advantage of, and I’m worried that might be the case.
You are being taken advantage of.
She’s upset because she isn’t interested in a relationship with you—she just wants you to keep supporting her financially without having to commit.
If you want to maintain your relationship with your partner from Myanmar, you’ll need to learn to follow her lead. If you have any pride, you’ll have to let it go.
You make $2,800 a month—roughly $10 an hour—and you’re sending nearly half of that to someone you’ve never met?
The issue isn’t that you lied to your girlfriend. It’s that you’re financially supporting what is essentially a stranger while earning a poverty-level income.
You really need to reconsider your priorities.
Your math is correct; that comes out to about $17.50 per hour.
You’re financially supporting a woman you’ve never met and don’t really know. You must realize how concerning this situation is.
You’ve never met her in person and you’re sending her money. She isn’t really your girlfriend. End contact and take this as a lesson learned.
I’ve considered doing the same thing.
You’re being scammed. Stop thinking about it and take action.
Sorry, but this is a hard lesson to learn. Meet her in person first, and then consider sharing your income details. Right now, you’re in a virtual relationship, and that’s not the right context for such disclosures.
Why isn’t she working? Is she disabled? If not, she should get a job. Stop sending her money so she has a reason to be upset.
It sounds like you may be dealing with a catfish situation, especially since you haven’t met in person and are financially supporting her.
It’s concerning that she reacted so strongly to a $400 discrepancy in your income, especially since you’re the one working and she isn’t. Given that you don’t even live in the same country, your financial situation shouldn’t be her primary concern. This behavior suggests she may be using you, and it would be better if she focused on finding her own employment.
You’re being taken advantage of. If you stop providing money, you’ll likely be single within a week.
How did she see you calculating your expenses if you haven’t met in person yet? That detail doesn’t add up, so let’s start there.
You are living in a fantasy. You don’t truly know her, and she may never fully commit, especially now that you’re not as wealthy as she expected.
You should sit down with your mother tomorrow and review all the money you’ve given to this person. It’s important to get help from an adult.
At 26, you’re an adult, not a teenager, even if your actions suggest otherwise.
It doesn’t matter how old he is; he still needs his mother.
I knew my mother wouldn’t agree to this arrangement, so I kept it hidden until now.
She would have told you that you were being scammed.
You should have an honest conversation with her about your finances.
You’re giving someone you haven’t met $700 a month? That’s not sustainable on your salary. For a relationship that isn’t real, you should limit spending to $200 at most.