Après presque trois ans ensemble, ma relation avec mon petit ami est généralement solide, mais un problème récurrent continue de me préoccuper. Avec nos emplois du temps exigeants et mes responsabilités en tant que parent, trouver du temps de qualité seul peut être difficile. Récemment, j'ai organisé une soirée spéciale, en prenant soin de coiffer mes cheveux, de me maquiller et de choisir une belle tenue. Lorsqu'il est arrivé, cependant, il portait un polo froissé et un pull à fermeture éclair ancien de son époque étudiante - les mêmes vêtements qu'il avait mis au travail.
Nous avons eu des désaccords à ce sujet auparavant, et il répond toujours en disant que je devrais me concentrer sur sa personnalité plutôt que sur ses vêtements. Pour être clair, il possède des vêtements plus élégants, mais il ne priorise pas son apparence. Je n'attends pas un costume - juste une tenue propre et réfléchie signifierait beaucoup, surtout depuis que je lui ai déjà exprimé cela et même acheté des vêtements qu'il porte rarement. Bien qu'il soit un partenaire merveilleux et fiable que je profite profondément après un mariage difficile, ce manque d'effort me fait douter si je demande trop ou si mes sentiments sont justifiés.
This isn’t a deal breaker, but have you told him you’d like him to dress up for date nights? After three years together, the spark can fade, so it’s important to find ways to reignite it. He should understand this and make an effort. Just talk to him about it.
Thank you for your reply. It’s definitely not a deal breaker, but we have discussed this several times in the past. I wasn’t expecting anything extravagant—just a shirt that isn’t wrinkled and a jacket that isn’t old.
No, you’re not. Even if you wear professional attire daily, you should shower and change before a date. This is common courtesy to your date, especially if they’re a coworker who has seen you in those clothes all day.
My wife and I dine out frequently, and we enjoy everything from Michelin-starred restaurants to casual chains and dives. We often start by discussing what we feel like wearing, which helps narrow down our options. Sometimes we dress up fully, and other times we go in jeans or something casual. We always go with the lowest common denominator—if one wants to dress up and the other doesn’t, we choose a casual place. That way, we can each dress as we prefer. I usually lean toward dressing up more than my wife, since we have many nice clothes.
For your situation, talk with him about how you each feel about dressing up and where you’d like to go. If he never wants to dress up but you do, I’m sure you can find a compromise. Regardless, work clothes aren’t ideal; he should at least freshen up and change into something else.
I understand why you were upset, but he might be confused. Sometimes hints don’t work, and being direct can help.
Best wishes and happy dining!
It sounds like he may not have realized he needed to dress up for this occasion. While it seems obvious to you that it was a special event, if you didn’t specifically tell him to dress appropriately, he might not have thought about it.
You deserve someone who consistently shows up for you and recognizes how rare date nights are given your schedule. However, clear communication is also important. The situation would be very different if you had told him, “It’s date night—please dress your best,” and he still showed up as you described.