Mit 26 Jahren bin ich in einer Fernbeziehung mit meiner 25-jährigen Freundin seit über einem Jahr, obwohl wir uns bereits fast sechs Jahre kennen. Obwohl wir in verschiedenen Ländern leben und uns noch nie persönlich getroffen haben, blieb unsere Verbindung insgesamt stark. Wir streiten fast wöchentlich – manchmal wegen Missverständnissen, manchmal weil sie sich langweilt oder gestresst ist – aber wir haben immer gemeinsam diese Herausforderungen gemeistert.
Finanziell unterstütze ich sie, da sie derzeit nicht arbeitet. Ich schicke ihr etwa 400 Dollar pro Monat, was ihre Bedürfnisse in Myanmar abdeckt, zusätzlich zu Artikeln wie Kosmetika, wodurch mein Gesamtbetrag auf etwa 700 Dollar pro Monat steigt. Ich bin glücklich, dies zu leisten, da ihre Bequemlichkeit mir wichtig ist. Allerdings hat sich mein Ausgabeverhalten zu einem Konfliktpunkt entwickelt. Früher ermutigte sie mich, mehr zu sparen, doch ich nahm es nicht ernst. Kürzlich reiste ich alleine zu zwei Hochzeiten und verbrachte etwa 1.600 Dollar, um uns auf unser erstes persönliches Treffen nächsten Monat vorzubereiten. Um dies zu bewältigen, nahm ich eine Vorschusszahlung von 500 Dollar von meinem Arbeitgeber ohne sie zu informieren.
Zusätzlich kompliziert sich die Situation dadurch, dass ich ihr früher fälschlicherweise gesagt habe, mein monatliches Gehalt betrage 3.200 Dollar, während es tatsächlich 2.800 Dollar beträgt. Als sie kürzlich um einen Kredit von 200 Dollar für den Mobiltelefon ihres Bruders bat, erklärte ich, dass ich finanziell knapp sei. Während wir gemeinsam meine Ausgaben überprüften, bemerkte sie den Kredit und erkannte, dass ich nicht ehrlich war. Ihre Frustration geht nicht nur um das Geld – es geht um die Geheimhaltung. Ich wollte nicht betrügen; ich wollte nur vermeiden, sie zu beunruhigen und sicherstellen, dass unser Treffen reibungslos ablief. Jetzt fühlt sich alles instabil an. Ich liebe sie und möchte mit vollständiger Ehrlichkeit das Vertrauen wiederherstellen, aber ich weiß nicht, wie ich weiter vorgehen soll, ohne die Situation zu verschlimmern.
Deine Situation erinnert mich an meine frühere Fernbeziehung, wo Geldthemen auch schnell zu Streit führten. Dass du monatlich etwa 700 USD für sie aufwendest, während sie gleichzeitig deine Reisekosten von 1.600 USD kritisiert, finde ich einen spannenden Widerspruch. Ich habe gelernt, dass finanzielle Transparenz von beiden Seiten kommen muss – plant ihr ein gemeinsames Budget für euer erstes Treffen?
Danke, dass du deine eigene Erfahrung teilst – dieser Widerspruch zwischen regelmäßiger Unterstützung und Kritik an einmaligen Ausgaben ist tatsächlich ein wichtiger Punkt. Aus dem Artikel heraus würde ich betonen, dass ein klares, gemeinsames Budget für das erste Treffen nicht nur die Kosten planbar macht, sondern auch Vertrauen schafft, indem beide Seiten ihre Beiträge und Prioritäten offenlegen. Vielleicht könntet ihr mit einem einfachen digitalen Budget-Tool starten, um die Reisekosten transparent zu planen – ich wäre gespannt zu hören, wie so ein Gespräch bei euch verlaufen würde.
You’re sending money to someone you’ve never met? I hope this is a joke.
I wish this were a troll post.
That’s a tough situation.
You don’t have a relationship; you have a pen pal. And don’t be surprised if that pen pal is actually a 35-year-old man with ten other boyfriends just like you.
The core issue here is trust and communication, not just finances. Start by honestly owning your mistake: admit you lied about your income and hid the loan, and clarify that you intended to avoid stressing her out, not to deceive her. Commit to full transparency going forward—share your actual financial situation, set clear boundaries on what you can afford, and agree to discuss any extra expenses in advance. This will help rebuild trust and prevent misunderstandings.
Beyond money, address the frequent arguments by having an open conversation about what triggers them and what each of you needs to feel secure. Use your upcoming in-person meeting to discuss long-term expectations, such as work, living arrangements, and shared responsibilities, so you’re aligned on the future. If trust remains an issue, consider online counseling together. The goal is to build a relationship based on honesty, realistic expectations, and mutual respect.
If that isn’t possible, you may simply not be a good match for each other.
My relationship began without any discussions about finances, and it felt normal at first. Now that things have changed, I realize the comments here might be right—I think I’ve been subconsciously avoiding that truth. I kept telling myself I was overthinking and that things would get better once we saw each other. Although I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the past year, I think it’s best for me to end the relationship and move on.
You should end the relationship. You can handle this.
She seems to be with you for your money. It’s important to recognize that.
Stop being naive.
I should clarify that she was working as a manager at the beginning, but I didn’t like her work arrangement, so I offered to support her while she looked for a better job. She never asked for monthly expenses; that was my suggestion. All of these decisions were mine, but sometimes I do wonder if this is the right path, as you mentioned. I truly love and care for her, and I believe she feels the same, but I question whether this is how I want to handle things. For context, I started paying her monthly expenses halfway into the relationship, not from the start.
It doesn’t matter when you started supporting her financially; the reality is you’ve been funding someone who was practically a stranger for almost a year. Anyone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t accept half your salary knowing it would harm you financially. That’s like believing a stripper has real feelings for you just because you paid for a lap dance.
She might be a scammer. Have you ever video chatted with her to confirm she’s real?
Yes, we call and video chat every day, so I know she’s real. My concern is whether I’m being taken advantage of, and I’m worried that might be the case.
You are being taken advantage of.
She’s upset because she isn’t interested in a relationship with you—she just wants you to keep supporting her financially without having to commit.
If you want to maintain your relationship with your partner from Myanmar, you’ll need to learn to follow her lead. If you have any pride, you’ll have to let it go.
You make $2,800 a month—roughly $10 an hour—and you’re sending nearly half of that to someone you’ve never met?
The issue isn’t that you lied to your girlfriend. It’s that you’re financially supporting what is essentially a stranger while earning a poverty-level income.
You really need to reconsider your priorities.
Your math is correct; that comes out to about $17.50 per hour.
You’re financially supporting a woman you’ve never met and don’t really know. You must realize how concerning this situation is.
You’ve never met her in person and you’re sending her money. She isn’t really your girlfriend. End contact and take this as a lesson learned.
I’ve considered doing the same thing.
You’re being scammed. Stop thinking about it and take action.
Sorry, but this is a hard lesson to learn. Meet her in person first, and then consider sharing your income details. Right now, you’re in a virtual relationship, and that’s not the right context for such disclosures.
Why isn’t she working? Is she disabled? If not, she should get a job. Stop sending her money so she has a reason to be upset.
It sounds like you may be dealing with a catfish situation, especially since you haven’t met in person and are financially supporting her.
It’s concerning that she reacted so strongly to a $400 discrepancy in your income, especially since you’re the one working and she isn’t. Given that you don’t even live in the same country, your financial situation shouldn’t be her primary concern. This behavior suggests she may be using you, and it would be better if she focused on finding her own employment.
You’re being taken advantage of. If you stop providing money, you’ll likely be single within a week.
How did she see you calculating your expenses if you haven’t met in person yet? That detail doesn’t add up, so let’s start there.
You are living in a fantasy. You don’t truly know her, and she may never fully commit, especially now that you’re not as wealthy as she expected.
You should sit down with your mother tomorrow and review all the money you’ve given to this person. It’s important to get help from an adult.
At 26, you’re an adult, not a teenager, even if your actions suggest otherwise.
It doesn’t matter how old he is; he still needs his mother.
I knew my mother wouldn’t agree to this arrangement, so I kept it hidden until now.
She would have told you that you were being scammed.
You should have an honest conversation with her about your finances.
You’re giving someone you haven’t met $700 a month? That’s not sustainable on your salary. For a relationship that isn’t real, you should limit spending to $200 at most.